Celebration of Life

Today is my great grandmother's 101st birthday. To say the least I am a bag of mixed emotions. I feel happy and grateful and truly blessed that she has been in my life and that she is still living at 101 years old. It saddens me to see her in her nursing home, to hear her ask questions about her brothers and sister and parents and then to see her get sad once she understands that they are no longer living. It bothers me. I know that it shouldn't because we all are not going to live forever and we are all called to glory at different times and for different reasons when God is ready for us, but at times I can't help but to think, how long is she going to go on living like this?

I pray that I get to see the day when I eventually do have children that there is a picture with the five generations, my great grandmother, my grandmother, my mother, myself, and my child, but at the rate I am going I am not sure if that is going to happen anytime soon. Life is hard and it doesn't get any easier as you get older.

Your children really do become your parent once you reach the age where you are no longer able to take care of yourself. At times like this I can't help but to think is this is what my life is going to turn into once i get to be the age of my grandmother, am I going to be taking care of my mother in this capacity? Probably not, my mother has told my brother and myself several times that she doesn't want to end up in a nursing home like the one that my great grandmother is in, and she shouldn't have to, so I figure that she will probably go live with him and his family once he has one since he is her favorite anyway.

I nearly broke down in tears like I do almost every time that I go to see her in that place, because it bothers me so much, but she became a danger to herself so she couldn't live in her house alone anymore.

Life truly is one big circle.