Living The Single Life

I don't even know how to start this post..... let me see.....

My last relationship lasted for over 3 years almost to the day. I was so at the point to where I thought I could settle despite the major life choices that I was willing to completely ignore because I loved him. It wasn't until the end that I realized that I wasn't going to stop being me and he wasn't going to stop being him, which wasn't a bad thing but it wouldn't have lasted too much longer because we both want very different things in life. And though he is a really good friend to me and I to him I knew that I was going to have to cut communication if I was ever going to be able to move on and get over him. Since Father's Day was last Sunday, I decided probably against my better judgement to send him a happy father's day text along to all of my other people that were in my phone that have children (his son turned 2 this month and yet I have no kids, just keep that in mind as the story goes on). So that one simple text message turned into about a 2 hour text conversation about why we have stopped talking and how shady of a person I am because of how I stopped communication. Excuse me for trying to look out for myself first, and know that if I continue to speak with him, that I will never fully be able to get over him. In the end he asked me when I was going to come and see him. My answer was that I would think about it, which he knows me well enough to know that I am not going to go over there.

So this situation has left me back to being 100% single and ready to mingle, but that is a part of my problem. I am not ready yo mingle. Every time I go out I attract all of these men that I am not interested in because they don't meet my standards. I am picky and I know it. The first being physical because when you are really honest with yourself, that is the first thing that you notice about someone is the physical. I don't date people that are the same height as me, I just don't that is my preference and there are a lot of reasons behind it. 5"11 is the shortest that I will go and that is pushing it. And please don't lie about it because I can tell.

If you have ever seen "Something New" with Sanaa Lathan, I kinda feel like her character, Kenya McQueen when it comes to the type of people that I think are worth my time. I have a list. I have standards, everyone should. Another part of my problem is that I am always attracted to men that are not necessarily attracted to me. I have the "friend complex" as I like to call it, when guys tell you that they only think of you are a friend. It is something that I am used to so it doesn't bother me anymore. But I am very guarded, because I refuse to let my heart get broken again.

Recently I have spent time with a few different couples that are my friends, some family and they are SO sugar sweet happy that it is sickening, but I look forward to the day that is me. Doesn't make any sense I know. Don't get me wrong I have my days when I really do love being single, because the only person that I have to worry about is me, but on the flip side of that coin, I look forward to the days when I have someone else to worry about as well. When you go from having a companion for 3 years, someone that has your back, that you can talk to about everything, someone that you are sharing your life with even if it isn't on a permanent basis, because that what your relationship is, sharing your life with someone married or not. It is a difficult transition. But I can't settle for someone that is not going to make me happy, because even though I knew towards the end that my ex and I weren't going to be 4ever, we still had something, a connection, a bond. That is something that can't be forced it just happens.

So until it just happens again I will be satisfied living the single life.